# When I was born, I was given a choice – A big dick or a good memory …. I don’t remember what I chose.
# Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
# A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
# Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings…’
# There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – ‘don’t’ and ’stop’, unless they are used together.
# Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
# There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
# Virginity can be cured.
# Virginity is not dignity, it’s just a lack of opportunity.
# Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
# I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
# Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
# Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
# A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole and she was happy with the thing.
# Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn’t.
# Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.